Matthew 18:15-20

[Jesus said to the disciples:] 15 “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If you are listened to, you have regained that one. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If that person refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

 We are called upon to listen; listen to God’s will, listen to each other, and then act with grace.

We began our worship today with confession.  We united our voices in admitting that we have indeed fallen short of the standard set for a child of God. We confessed that we struggle to embody God’s goodness in the world and in our own hearts. Creation groans from our overuse and misuse of it. Jealousy and bitterness strain relationships. Indifference keeps us from seeking justice. We create divisions which disrupt our showing genuine love to others. So, it seems that we should be doing that which Jesus directed his disciples in this text: sharing privately with that brother or sister the hurtful mistakes that we have experienced from them. The goal is not only to get them to listen and have them recognize the hurt they have caused but to work out a reconciliation. Even if the process requires more persons to become involved, the ultimate objective is always to have truth be established and the harmony between individuals and the community restored. We can see from Jesus’ explanation that process is a matter of listening, respecting another’s feelings and understanding, and coming to a mutual recognition of a way to show care for each other. Even if that person refuses to see any need for repentance and is excluded from the community, from the church; it is not meant to be a permanent exclusion. The offender is to ‘be to you as a gentile and a tax collector’ which you must realize were the very people that were earmarked for evangelization at that time. Jesus sought to bring in and welcome those very people into the believing, worshipping community. So, this process is to emphasize the hope for a sinner’s restoration; it is not a matter of shunning or long-term exclusion. 

As our reading from Romans makes clear: Owe no one anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.   Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law. (Rom 13:8) Paul would have us understand that at the root of our interactions with one another is love. Regardless of mistakes, whether we are on the receiving end of hurt or if we are the one who has done the hurtful action or words, our interactions are meant to be filled with kindness and caring. We need to move forward with forgiveness. We have only two options: to bind or to loose. It is the loosening that will bring the freedom which enables growth, bringing reconciliation, and a renewed relationship. 

Consider the experience of this psychiatrist, Elissa Ely. Her story was shared in The Boston Globe, June 5, 2023.

After Dr. Ely meets with a patient, the hospital or clinic sends an e-mail to the patient: On a scale of one to five, was your doctor or nurse practitioner or physician assistant friendly? Did they spend enough time with you? Did they communicate well? Did they show sufficient concern?

{My own aside: the constant requests to fill out surveys these days, has become for me such an irritant that that will spill over into my answers, even if the service given was very good. So the goal of evaluating care gets altered and ends up being incorrect, for it is the survey itself I found objectionable.}

Dr. Ely has her doubts about the value of such surveys. She says: “Overextended and only human, caregivers practice at their mercy; taken to task by administrators for unfriendliness, poor communication, or insufficient show of concern (which sometimes means not ordering unnecessary tests a patient insists are necessary),” Dr. Ely notes. “When cumulative scores are low, implications are made about salary. All this is based on the opinions of patients once seen but now invisible. A caregiver rarely knows who has passed this judgment on them.”

So Dr. Ely has launched a small “rebellion.” She sends hand-written thank-you cards to those whose service, though often unacknowledged, inspires her. 

“My first thank-you notes were to medical professionals. One went to a neurologist who showed me how to sit by the bed of a woman with terminal dementia; it was as if they were in chapel together. Another went to a nurse who took psychotic patients to the Topsfield Fair year after year (a job no one volunteered for). An autumn landscape went to the first primary care physician who listened to everything about me, and not only with her stethoscope. A postcard of the Grand Canyon went to the sports medicine specialist who noticed I was weeping during an appointment and put his hand to his heart.”

Encouraged, Dr. Ely broadened the field to express her gratitude to public servants who acted with compassion and integrity, local business operators who contributed to the public good, a friend of her mother who managed to sustain cheer in the middle of terrible decline. The Boston psychiatrist took time and pen to acknowledge the simplest kindnesses and inspiring acts of generosity.

Dr. Ely’s cards, she notes, “began as a tiny arrow thrown against a mighty force and might seem like the activity of someone with too much time, who should take up crocheting. It might be. But these are days when resentment is often mistaken for helpfulness. Thanks, are preferable, and we should know who they’re from.”

As Jesus taught his disciples, people need to come together, face to face. It is not going to help solve matters to go on Facebook with your complaints or criticisms. You need to share your feelings with the person who inspired them by their words or deeds, whether good or bad. If there is sin - confess it. If you have been sinned against, utilize direct, one-on-one contact; it is the only way to handle matters. Thriving and productive communities are built with reconciliation and trust. We will build each other up and strength our relationships with gratitude and acts of kindness. Discipleship is a task always grounded in love, beginning with respect to create peace and harmony. Jesus promises to be there as we gather in His name. His way is the uniting factor this world so needs. We are directed to join with one another in seeking and doing good. Jesus confirms: if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”